Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
