i don't like sucking hair
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
