Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
