I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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