its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
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