just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
