I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
