Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
