Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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