Me too!
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
