people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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