I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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