I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
