chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
