i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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