Welp...herpes.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Those nachos came to me in a dream
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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