I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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