Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
