The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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