you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
