you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
