This girl is more easily done than said...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This baby is an asshole
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
