Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
