I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This girl is more easily done than said...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
