D3 body, D1 cock
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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