she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
