So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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