the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
