Bisexual people are plain selfish.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
