the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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