i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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