He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
