I must be too annoying 4 u.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
