$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
