my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
