The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
