If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
