"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
