i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
