pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
