I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
