You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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