So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
