clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize