11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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