I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
