I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize