You're a womanizer and a bitch.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
