Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
