I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
