$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize