so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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