if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
