dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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