Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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