thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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