Have you finally orgasmed yet?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
