And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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