the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
