Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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