Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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