i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
