my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
