Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
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