I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
