In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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