I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
