I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
