I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
