I can tuck mytits in my pants
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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