you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize