Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
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